RE-START (AGAIN)

YIKES!

I WEIGH 210.5 TODAY!!!

I got back up to 223 a couple months ago. I hope that never happens again. I'm was keeping a daily journal on my Mac, but nobody saw it but me... what kind of accountability is that? I'm going to make this blog public again so everyone can see it. Maybe then I'll stay on track. I'm also going to blog daily my struggles with food, what I'm eating, how I'm feeling, etc. etc. So, here goes.

I was just looking at my weekly weigh-in off to the right side. Not that I'm happy with weighing what I do, but it's pretty amusing that the last time I added a weight, I was only .3 lbs different than I am now.

Food... food is the enemy, but also my best friend. The way I eat directly affects my mood, my energy level, my relationships, my outlook on life, pretty much my WHOLE LIFE! Lately, I've been in such a funk... depressed, not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone because I've been eating so poorly. And when I say eating poorly, I mean stopping at fast food 2 to 3 times a day because I'm too lazy to actually fix my 3 year old something to eat. I always tell myself that I'm just going to get an iced coffee or a diet pop, but then I end up ordering 2-3 burgers and fries just for me. My house is a mess, I have stacks and stacks of paperwork to file, piles of bills to pay and baskets full of clean laundry that needs to be put away. I can't even remember the last time I balanced the check book. So as you can see, when I'm not eating healthily, my whole life and those around me suffer. Wow, it feels good to get all that off my chest. I need a change.

In the spring (the middle of May) I went back on WW. I didn't go to the meetings but just counted points and weighed in by myself. I was doing awesome. After 20 days I'd lost 19 lbs and felt AWESOME! We went camping for Memorial weekend and I didn't even cheat. Boy that was hard... watching everyone eat ribs, burgers, hot dogs, all the good camping food. But I did it. So that just shows me that I CAN do it and I AM in control. I need to get back in that mind set. I really don't know what happened. Falling off the wagon, really makes me feel like a failure. I was feeling so good in jeans, but now they're too tight. I recently went on an outing with my Dad and he made a comment under his breath, "looks like I'm a little overdressed". I don't know if he knows I heard him, I pretended I didn't. But he was right. I was wearing capri sweat pants and a sweat shirt. I was underdressed, but that's all that was comfortable to wear.

So, starting today, I'm back to being healthy. And not just eating healthy. I want to BE healthy. I am committing to some sort of physical activity every day, walking, pilates, swimming, going up and down the stairs, something.

My posture is suffering too. As much as I try to put my shoulders back and stick my chest out, I still look like I'm slouching. I've even developed a hump in my neck. I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw some pictures of myself from the back and from the side (taken by my dad on our outing... what an eye opener, thanks Dad). I had this problem years ago and weight loss helped it significantly. BUT, I don't want to wait for the weight to be gone before my posture improves, so that is one thing I'm REALLY going to work on.

As I stated above, I'm going to keep track of what I eat here too. I'll post my daily consumption every night before I go to bed. Maybe if I'm keeping my fingers busy blogging, It'll be too hard to munch.

So, how am I feeling today? It's almost 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I don't have any energy at the moment, but I DON'T feel weighed down by greasy food which is definitely a plus. The first three to four days are always the hardest while my body and metabolism adjust to the new way of eating. I'll get there, just not today.